Holidays in May (you never heard of)

[linttrap]

I have started with the upcoming holidays rather than cause you to regret the ones you already missed the first few days of May.

May 9: National Lost Sock Memorial Day
Today we honor the past, and we let go. It’s time to admit that one red argyle sock has gone to washing machine heaven, turn the partner it left behind into a rag or a sock puppet, and buy a new pair. It’s what it would have wanted.

May 10: Clean Up Your Room Day
Also known as one of every child in America’s least favorite day of the year, right behind Eat Your Brussels Sprouts Day and Do Your Homework Week. For the adults, this is just in seasonal time to finally tackle that whole spring-cleaning thing.

May 11: National Twilight Zone Day
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and on the fourteenth of May, plan on confronting the pit of your fears and the summit of your knowledge. Today is the day to celebrate the dimension of imagination, known as the Twilight Zone.

May 13: Frog Jumping Day
One of Mark Twain’s first short stories introduced the image of the “jumping frog” into the collective consciousness of America. How this ties to this specific date is unclear, but do you really need a clear reason to jump around like a frog?

May 14: National Dance Like a Chicken Day
Call up your local oom pah band, because today we Vogeltanz until we drop. Or, gather all the Arrested Development fanatics you know and start a round of your worst chicken dance impersonations. Or introduce your own interpretation of how a chicken might dance. All of the above apply, as long as your moves are fowl.

May 17: National Pack Rat Day
There’s a fine line between holding on to nostalgia, and being a candidate-in-waiting for an episode of Hoarders. But just for a day, you can openly cherish the growing stack of Signals catalogs piling up in your basement sans any judgment of concerned family and friends. Who knows? Maybe your Beanie Babies will become collectibles again, and the joke will be on us.

May 20: Be a Millionaire Day
The holiday powers that be may want to consider changing this holiday to the day of Facebook’s IPO.

May 22: National Buy a Musical Instrument Day
Treat yourself to that baby grand you’ve always wanted. Don’t know how to play guitar? No problem! On this particular day in May buy now, learn later!

May 23: Lucky Penny Day
Keep your eyes glued to the ground, because what better day than today to be your lucky one! Just make sure you see the face of Abraham Lincoln staring back at you, before you pick the penny up!

May 26: Sally Ride Day
As the first American woman in space, Dr. Sally Ride rightfully earned a full day dedicated to her honor. Remember when space was a thing?

May 29: End of Middle Ages Day
Barkeep, we’ll have a pint of your finest grog! Because today in 1453, the official Middle Ages allegedly ended, ushering in the Renaissance and other subsequent influential periods in European history. You gave us Arthurian lore, you gave us a plague of Bubonic proportions, and you gave us Game of Thrones. For that — mostly the last part — we thank you.

May 30: My Bucket’s Got a Hole in It Day
Somewhat inspired by a folk song of the same name, My Bucket’s Got a Hole in it Day, or MBGHD, does not dictate any formal observational traditions. We suggest putting a positive spin on the crisis, and taking the day to reflect on how things could be worse. Unless of course you’re a bucket.

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