Men's Porn Use Linked to Unhappy Relationships

[jason]

Originally Posted by sandyd

So many are doomed to not find marital/relationship bliss?

You gotta do what you gotta do. If it's a deal breaker, one side or the other needs to change, or find someone else. What else is there?


Here's an example of how porn can work in the real world, even if the target is for Men:

In Australia, they have a law that prohibit the labia from being seen. "Realistic depictions may contain discreet genital detail but there should be no genital emphasis." No more can be shown than "a single crease". The only way to depict female nudity is to airbrush the area and make it smooth. Now it's legal.

Guess what? It's not just the men who view the magazines. Women do too, if not for themselves, to see what the men view (and maybe expect). The unintended result of the censorship law is that labiaplasty in Australia is skyrocketing. Women feel abnormal even though they are normal.


Given easy access, porn going mainstream, and that it's not nearly as taboo as it once was, I think the issue of porn will work its way out eventually. As evidenced by my previous example, porn isn't seen just by men. For many (especially in America), porn is how you learn about sex. What is normal, and how to do it. If you learn from porn, porn is normal.

I didn't post the female poll for porn, but the majority of young women have also viewed it. You don't need to go to a dirty porn store, or hunt around the back of your Dad's closet for a Playboy anymore.

[sandyd]

Aren't men suffering when the relationship breaks down too though?

---------- Post added at 09:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 PM ----------

I guess for the future, it will be a question of will women become okay with it more...

Or will women start expecting their men to be like male pron stars?

---------- Post added at 09:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 PM ----------

The unintended result of the censorship law is that labiaplasty in Australia is skyrocketing. Women feel abnormal even though they are normal.

Why aren't the men having fits and screaming not to?


Is it that looking at it, makes them want women to be modified to fit the mags?

[jason]

Originally Posted by sandyd

Or will women start expecting their men to be like male pron stars?

I watched Men In Black 3 this weekend. I have no expectations of seeing aliens anytime soon.

Originally Posted by sandyd

Why aren't the men having fits and screaming not to?

I think breast implants are terrible. However many women feel it raises their self esteem by getting them. This is exactly the same thing.

Plus, you can only make recommendations to your SO. Ultimately it's their choice, and again, if it's a deal breaker, go your separate ways.

[sandyd]

You live in FL and haven't seen them yet?

Look closer jason...

I have talked with some males who, literally end up stuck with a narrow range of what is a turn on for them...only ages 18-22 in looks (older ok but gotta LOOK that age), certain cup size, certain butt curve and waist...

Others manage a larger turn on zone.

Some are turned on by, as a friend said, warm wet mud.

You may not expect to see aliens but there will be some who do. And some who are turned on by the surgery look over the natural look.

---------- Post added at 09:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:14 PM ----------

added: females too btw....just rarely in an age look but a must have body style and how they dress. One person I knew lost interest in her DH when he went from a suit job to a get dirty uniform job.
Back in a suit now and she is happy again.

[jason]

Well, that'd be the downfall of having a relationship with someone that is completely superficial. They don't love you, they love the idea if you.

I have a feeling they end up unhappy more often than not.

[sandyd]

Originally Posted by CanadaSue

Speaking personally, I find porn depicts women in a thoroughly unrealistic & degarding manner.

Become comfortable with that? Bullshit.

If you could watch it with someone who saw it differently and they told you what they saw and how the movements or actions were viewed by them, you might be able to find a way to accept some forms of porn.

I do understand it's a tough step to be willing for most women to take...same as most men will not give up porn viewing even when it leads to unhappiness in the relationship.

---------- Post added at 09:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 PM ----------

Originally Posted by jason

Well, that'd be the downfall of having a relationship with someone that is completely superficial. They don't love you, they love the idea if you.

I have a feeling they end up unhappy more often than not.

I agree.

And I suspect enough females think that the males watching pron are into the superficial that unhappy is the result.

[linttrap]

I really don't think anyone explaining to me how they saw porn is going to change my idea of what it is and what effect it has.

I know exactly how men see it and what it means to them.

In most cases, that opinion is completely at variance with my conception.

If they don't agree or we aren't willing to compromise to a middle ground, WE just aren't happening.

The bottom line for me is that it really doesn't matter to me what anyone other than me thinks about it. If we don't agree, and you aren't flexing....no go.

It's one of my lines you can't cross.

[CanadaSue]

What lint said. And ultimately what counts to me is how *I* see it & at my age, I know a degraded depiction of women when I see it.

[sandyd]

I do still see some of it (rape fantasy ick) as a negative but some of it, no...I learned to see from other possible views (a long time later meeting some porn talent didn't hurt either)-and I discovered, for me, if I don't leap inside to a 'icky icky bad' thought pattern, quite a bit of pron will turn me on.

Overall good camera work on amature is best

---------- Post added at 09:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:48 PM ----------

Originally Posted by CanadaSue

What lint said. And ultimately what counts to me is how *I* see it & at my age, I know a degraded depiction of women when I see it.

But as jason said, but did not post, there are more younger women looking at it and not seeing it as you do.

So it's still all in how you tell yourself it is...not how it may even have been for the porn workers.

[CanadaSue]

Added: I'd never willing be in a relationship with a man who mistook porn for anything remotely approaching reality or what women think is acceptable or normal.

What conerns me is how easily available even hard core porn is & how youngsters & I MEAN youngsters, are hoisting this aboard as normal.

[sandyd]

Dungeon to explain hard core?

Hard core to me is simply real sex...not role play but for many role play is part of their desires.

[Feather]

Originally Posted by jason

If he's in a happy relationship, the hot blonde with the red miniskirt won't catch his eye, right?

Other men, oh yeah, they'll notice. My ex would almost drool when pretty women went by. In his case I think it was the clothes he envied. If we were out some where and a gal walked by like that, DH probably wouldn't notice but if he did he'd make the comment that she need to cover up to keep from getting a cold.

Like his ex GF's mom told me when I told her we were getting married - that boy just ain't right. Lack of sex drive was why they broke up. She went else where to find sex and he told her fine, I'm leaving. Her mom drove up to get him and he lived with her and her DH for a while. Plus you have to take into account he went through school in special ed because of learning problems and his brain just does not work like most men.

Lint have any of the brain injury patients you work with have different intelligence levels than they did before their injury?

I have a gem.

[lilly]

People, male and female have love maps. Even before puberty and it changes slightly from various exposures of what turns them on.

Everyone, male, female, transgender, has their own turnons.

Remember when the sight of a ankle with a lifted long dress was enough? Way before our time.

What turns one person on, turns another person off.

[linttrap]

Not to derail this thread, but yes, Feather. General intelligence, IQ, can definitely be affected.

[flourbug]

psst, Feather, linttrap... http://thisbluemarble.com/showthread.php?t=46825

[Fartacus]

Porn. Icky-poo.

[jason]

TED Talk: Philip Zimbardo: The demise of guys?

http://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge.html

[sandyd]

jason, it's probably porns fault.

[jason]

I didn't see any of his claims being backed up by anything.

Japan's housing bust came 10-15 years prior to ours. I wonder if their interpersonal relationships (or lack thereof) is going to also be mirrored here by the same time frames:

"61% of those unwed men reported not having a girlfriend, and 45% said they couldn't care less about finding one."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisf...n-sexless-love



Instead of porn, what about looking around at other possibilities? We have extremely high use of drugs in today's society. There's a lot of estrogen in the water. Wouldn't that be more logical than porn?

[sandyd]

HFCS and radiation too. But I bet pron plays a part simply cuz of how the females react to it...at least of my generation. Seems less of the younger ones do.

Will those women pick porn or a guy without a job?

[lilly]

Men go for visual turn ons.

Women accept that.

[lilly]

Though not all women.

I recall a dinner with a very wealthy man and his mistress. She was ticked off because he looked at the nudes in Playboy. Her reasoning. "He has me, that should be enough for him". She was quite beautiful and a shapely blonde with big blue eyes, but... I thought she was an idiot.

How vain can a woman be? And not too bright?

[dharma]

Very, and very.

I wonder if he ever asked her why she needed more than one pair of shoes.

[sandyd]

dharma,

I need two.

Gotta have a pair to wear while the first pair is dying if I was sweating in 'em or had to wash 'em.

[lilly]

At the next dinner, he dumped her publicly when she began to whine about something or other. I forget what, because it was too embarrassing to listen to a stupid quarrel over nothing.

His first wife was gorgeous, and also something of a nitwit.

l